Chapter 1 "I am fine."

"...for we went needlessly into the Mines of Moria." Legolas stopped, confused all of a sudden. He tried focusing his mind on something as Galadriel went on to say something, but it came back into the same old chorus it had been repeating since Moria.

Mithrandir? Flames... shadow.... Where are you now?

Celeborn now spoke.

Legolas was disoriented. He barely remembered how they arrived at Lothlorien; and only vaguely recalled meeting Haldir. He ached to go away on his own to mourn in solitude for the death of his friend. For the remainder of the audience he doggedly stood with the fellowship, mind blank, and his face was completely devoid of any emotion, save his eyes that were glassy with tears.

I am tired.

<><><>

The days at Lothlorien were peaceful and lulling.

"Too peaceful for a warrior," mused Legolas aloud, wandering around the ancient oaks. His step faltered. "If I can now call myself one..."

Why did I not run to help Mithrandir?

It was the balrog...

"You are a coward." The statement was cold and hard.

Legolas started and searched intently for the speaker of the voice. I would have heard him approach... "Who is there?" his voice echoed faintly through the trees. There was no reply.

He bit his lip and looked around. There was no one. The words came from his own mouth. He began to feel the stirrings of panic in him.

I can't even control my thoughts anymore...Mithrandir, what is happening?

Mithrandir, help me!

But he is dead.

So then the trees. The trees will help.

Trembling, Legolas climbed up into one and rested on the first strong branch. He leaned his head onto its thick trunk, closing his eyes and breathing in the air deeply. When he opened his eyes again, he felt better and began singing a soft song to the tree, gaining a comfort in doing something so familiar.

"So now I have found you, Legolas, son of Thranduil."

He carefully leaned forward and peered down at the forest floor. "Who is there?" Legolas said, repeating his earlier question. This better not be like before...it better not be... me.

"It is only Haldir, so you should not sound so suspicious. 'Tis a lovely tune you sing."

Legolas jumped lightly off the branch. "Aye, it is the song I have always sung in the forest." He said, trying to avoid Haldir's stare.

"Orophin and Rumil are eager to meet with you again," Haldir said carefully. "But I wanted to speak with you before."

"Of course." Legolas replied, wondering what this was about.

"What troubles you so? I had noticed that you were very distant when we first found you and the fellowship. Something is not right."

Legolas became rooted to the ground.

What troubles me?

Mithrandir's death... and that I could have prevented it...

Nay, it's more than that....

Then what is it?

I myself do not know anymore.

"Legolas?" Haldir said, trying to get the younger elf's attention. He had drifted off into his own thoughts and had forgotten about him. "Legolas?" he repeated.

Legolas suddenly sighed heavily, his face an impenetrable mask. "Nothing ails me, save for the fact that I cannot stay in Lothlorien for as long as I would desire. I am fine." He found himself growing irritated at Haldir's worried look. "I am fine," he said again curtly. "I have mourned for Mithrandir and I will recover from this loss."

"Legolas, there must be more, for even the Lady is worried. When you stood before her with the fellowship, she sensed a deep strife in you."

"Then she is wrong," He raised his stormy eyes to meet Haldir's, who was surprised to find such anger in them. "For I am fine."

Am I?

<><><>

He ate dinner with the fellowship that night, and spoke not a word. Legolas frowned and set his food down, looking into nothingness.

What use am I if I cannot save the lives of my friends?

Do not think that. You have in fact safeguarded a life...

Whose?

Your own, coward.

He never imagined that his own mind could taunt him so cruelly. Legolas began shaking, and missed Aragorn's startled look.

Afraid of a balrog...

Why, you practically threw Gandalf into the abyss!

"No!" he exclaimed unexpectedly. "I won't hear of it anymore!" He stood up, aware of everyone's gaze on him. Legolas laughed quickly. "Do not look at me so," he chided. "I am not crazy. I was merely listening to a merry tale being told by two of my folk."

Aragorn considered this. "I did not hear it."

"It was high up in the trees, too far away for the ears of men to catch it." Legolas said, hoping it would be left at that.

"Well, tell us, then." Piped Merry. "Why didn't you want to hear the rest of the story if it was funny?"

Legolas' eyes clouded over, and for a moment he was at a loss. "Nay, you wouldn't understand it." He said finally, and quickly turned away. "Master Dwarf, since you have found so much beauty in these woods, would you mind accompanying me to explore this place further?" he asked to divert attention away from his outburst.

Gimli was pleasantly surprised. "Well Master Elf, that is an offer I cannot turn down."

Legolas nearly missed the answer as he tried to quash that dark, mocking voice that threatened to rise again. "Then let us be on our way."

<><><>

Are you forgetting yourself? You shame the elves by walking in companionship with a dwarf!

I do not prejudice against the dwarves, and not Gimli especially.

Letting Mithrandir die...

Befriending a dwarf...

You are truly pitiable, Prince of Mirkwood.

Gimli was alarmed when Legolas fell against a statue, his face a mixture of terror and anger, crying out in an elven tongue.

What ails me?

You ail yourself.

Legolas grasped Gimli's outreached hand unsteadily, and allowed himself to be seated on a stone bench. He gazed stolidly past Gimli, ashamed that he was witness to his moment of weakness.

The dwarf looked uncertainly at Legolas' empty face.

"Do not worry." Legolas said finally, looking over his head. "I am...ill."

"Ill?" Gimli said incredulously. "My friend, I believe that elves never fall ill. You jest with me."

"Nay, 'tis...." Legolas groped for an excuse. "'Tis what my folk call the sea-longing." This wasn't true, as he hadn't even been close to the sea, but he was strangely satisfied with fooling Gimli. "I will one day have to cross the sea and leave Middle Earth." At least that wasn't a complete lie.

"Ah." said Gimli. "Perhaps you want to rest?"

Yes, rest like the child you are.

He nearly jumped. Instead, Legolas shook his head hard. "I feel like climbing these ancient trees."

Gimli stepped away uncomfortably. "I do not get on well with trees... let us go back."

"Then we will take the way of the trees back!" Legolas cried in a high voice. Without waiting for a reply, he swiftly hoisted himself up into the nearest tree. "Come Gimli, you shall be lost without me!"

"This is madness, elf!" Gimli muttered, smiling in spite of himself, relieved that Legolas seemed to be himself again. He ran, following the sound of the rustling leaves and Legolas' light footsteps. "Exploration indeed. Hmpf."

The rustling suddenly ceased. "I'm sure you will think it is funny to lose me in these woods, Legolas. However, I should like to accompany young Frodo on the rest of the journey." He said loudly. Gimli became unnerved when Legolas did not reply. "Legolas?"

Grumbling, he decided it was a ploy to get him to climb a tree. He tucked his axe under his belt and jumped for the lowest branch he could find, and slowly climbed until he reached a large branch. "This cannot be safe..." he said, grasping the branch and crawling to the middle. He pulled out the leaves and twigs that were caught in his beard.

His eyes saw a silver clad figure sitting on the opposite branch, legs dangling down.

"There you are," Gimli called, slightly dizzy from the height. "This is the last time you will see me at such a leafy height. What... Legolas?"

Legolas was rocking back and forth, murmuring in a hoarse voice. His eyes were blank and unseeing, his face set in a mask. A tear slid down his cheek.

Gimli watched in horror as he leaned too far forward and began to lose his balance uncaringly. "No!" Gimli yelled, and jumped across without thinking, grabbing Legolas' shoulders.

The wind was knocked out of him as they hit the ground, and Gimli's ears were ringing. Legolas sat up and blinked like he had just awoken from sleep.

Footsteps approached quickly, and an elf appeared. "What has happened here?" he demanded, surveying the two.

"Master Celeborn," Gimli said. "I do not know what is wrong with Legolas. He just fell out of the tree in a trance."

Legolas stood up, looking miffed. "I am perfectly fine. I just lost my balance, that was all."

"Lost your balance?" Gimli growled, getting to his feet. "You were sitting on a branch and - "

"Thank you, Master Gimli." Celeborn interrupted, giving him a warning look with his eyes. "If you follow that path, you will find yourself with the rest of your friends. I will stay with Legolas for now."

Gimli thought the better of protesting. With a last worried glance at his friend, he tramped off.

Celeborn waited for the dwarf to leave before speaking. "Do not tell me you are fine, Prince of Mirkwood. You have said nothing but that, but you are anything but that." He said, taking Legolas by the arm. "I can see in your eyes that you are troubled greatly, and by more than Mithrandir's death. You will come with me to see Galadriel."

"You worry too much," Legolas said dismissively to hide his embarrassment.

"Do I?" Celeborn said, walking quickly with Legolas in stride. "Then why is it that Estel is also worried? Even a dwarf is disquieted by your behavior."

"My behavior is that of any other elf. Are you telling me that the dwarves and Estel are worried for every one of us?" Legolas said, and he laughed hollowly, a sad attempt at his former merriment.

Celeborn remained silent, but continued moving on.

I do not wish to see Galadriel...

And I know why.... you're afraid she'll hear your thoughts...

You are wrong. It is because I cannot control my thoughts.

And...

I am afraid.

<><><>

"Aragorn!" said Gimli in a rush, coming back down the path. "Aragorn!"

"What is it?" He asked, and raised his eyebrows when he noticed that Legolas was missing. "Where is Legolas?"

"With Celeborn." Gimli replied, sitting down. "I fear for Legolas. He is distant, and acts very strangely now. He has told me it is the sea-longing."

"Sea-longing? Legolas has never been near a sea." Aragorn said. "But he said that to you? That he was afflicted with sea-longing?"

"Yes." Gimli replied gruffly. He hesitated for a moment before continuing. "When we were out, Legolas was climbing in trees while I followed on the ground. I could not hear his moving after a while, so I went up to see where he was. Legolas was sitting far out... and he was trembling... talking to himself... and he shed a tear. And then he fell out of the tree."

"Is he injured?"

"Nay, I caught him and he fell on me." Gimli said, pausing. "I do not understand this. He mourns for Gandalf, but to become like this..."

"I do not understand this either." Aragorn said, looking up at the sky. "I had spoken with Celeborn, because I noticed at dinner Legolas was disheartened... nay, not disheartened... but empty, almost. It is like he has retreated into himself. And for an elf like him to cry..." he trailed of, lines of worry appearing on his forehead.

"I wish to help him," Gimli said quietly. "But I do not think he wants to be helped."

<><><>

Chapter 2 "I am immortal!"

<><><>

Legolas stood before Galadriel, shifting uncomfortably and glancing everywhere but at her.

"Prince of Mirkwood, why is your heart so heavy and face so long?" Galadriel asked in her pleasing voice.

The question was met with sullen silence.

Celeborn sighed. "I believe that Legolas has told Gimli that he is troubled by the sea-longing."

If this surprised Legolas, he didn't show it. "You have been eavesdropping." He said quietly.

Galadriel and Celeborn allowed this comment to pass. "Is this true?" she asked.

"No." he answered quite simply, and without any emotion. "I did not want to trouble Gimli." He raised his clear eyes to finally meet Galadriel's. "And I do not wish to trouble you either."

"It is kind of you to think that way," Galadriel said, and laid a hand on his shoulder. "But you should know that I would like to be troubled with this, if only to help you."

"You cannot help me." It came out coldly. Legolas flinched inwardly as he allowed the voice to respond for him. He felt weak inside, and thought he might collapse.

That is correct. You are now beyond hope.

"What is this new voice?" Galadriel asked suddenly. "You are not beyond any hope, son of Thranduil."

"So you now eavesdrop on my thoughts, too." Legolas whispered, backing away. "I shall find no peace here, knowing that spies are about me."

"These thoughts are not your own." She stated, studying him intently with ancient eyes. "So I therefore have not looked in on your thoughts."

She lies...

But they are a part of me... are they not my own?

She lies....

She would not lie.

And how would you know this?

She would not lie!

Legolas smiled vacantly to hide his fear. The voice was louder, more insistent, more difficult to counter by himself.

"I would not lie to you, Legolas." Galadriel said at last. "And I am glad you think so. You will fight his voice until it is naught but a whisper, and I will think of a way to help you, for I have no answers right now. You are strong, even though this haunts you, and I believe you will defeat this."

You cannot defeat yourself.

Forgetting his usual demeanor of calmness, he looked at Galadriel with terrified eyes as he heard it said, which was quickly replaced by a look of complacency. Legolas bowed his head to her, and left the room, suppressing shudders.

She watched him leave with a troubled air. "I am worried." she turned to Celeborn. "Make sure someone is always with him... I fear that the voice will fill his head if he is left alone with his thoughts."

<><><>

Legolas was in no hurry to make his way back to his friends, knowing that they would keep pestering him with questions and worried looks. He moved slowly, and any passing elf might have thought he was taking in the sights of Lothlorien luxuriously. However, they did not see his face, how his eyes were filled with despair as he fought with his inner self.

He walked blindly down a long flight of stairs, wondering detachedly how he could be so angry and frightened at the same time.

"They see everything here," he said, trailing his fingers over the gilded railing. "Everything... and my thoughts..." He became silent as he heard footsteps draw near.

"Ah, Legolas!" Aragorn appeared before him around the curve of the staircase. "I was looking for you."

"No doubt to worry over me needlessly," Legolas muttered, walking past him.

Aragorn caught his arm and made him stop. "It is not needlessly," he said firmly, and went on. "You hide behind a cold mask, and are not yourself." He shook the elf gently to make sure he was still listening. "I am your friend. Tell me what it is, and you had better not say it is the sea-longing."

Legolas looked into Aragorn's eyes.

I should tell him.

He will think that you are quite mad.

But maybe I am....

"And if I told you, Estel, that I am not ready to reveal it, what would you say?" he asked softly, shaking free of Aragorn's hold.

"I would tell you to take your time, but that too much time might endanger you more." Aragorn said, sighing heavily.

"I am not endangered by anything!" Legolas burst out crossly. "Not by you, not by anyone, and not by myself!"

Especially by myself...

"You are blinded by your own immortality." He stated lowly, taken aback by Legolas' outburst. "Have you looked into a mirror recently? Your eyes are bitter, your face is drawn, and you act as if you are not in this world!"

"I mourn for Mithrandir." He responded coldly, not looking back at Aragorn. "Perhaps you think my cheeks should be pink with life and my eyes sparkling during this time. However, I do not."

"It is more than his death!" Aragorn strode over until he was in front of Legolas. "Stop making excuses. I am trying to help you."

"I am sure you have already spoken with Haldir and Celeborn." Legolas said, so quietly that Aragorn almost missed it. He turned around and pierced Aragorn with a look of disdain. "Have they told you that I did not want, nor need, help?"

He stepped around Aragorn and did not look back.

<><><>

Legolas glumly nodded his thanks as a female elf handed him a pitcher of wine. He hadn't meant to snap at Aragorn so, but did not think it was necessary for him to apologize. It would be too awkward, and Aragorn believed that something was not right in his head, anyway.

He sat a bit apart from the rest of the fellowship and poured himself some of the drink, catching the scent of fragrant fruits and honey. He took a large sip and watched Gimli snore loudly as the rest slept, smiling a bit in spite of himself.

He poured another glass, drinking it thoughtfully, and took out his long silver knife. As he was whetting it, he took a breath and began singing a soft, lilting song.

A demon? Legolas chuckled. Maybe...

If only they knew what possesses me...

Do not act superior.

You do not know what possesses yourself.

Legolas felt a twinge on his hand and looked down. He had cut himself while sharpening his knife. He touched his finger with his other hand as the crimson blood dropped, standing up in disbelief.

"No," he whispered. "I have not injured myself in years. This is impossible."

You see now, Prince of Mirkwood... you are not immortal.

He began to laugh tentatively at that. "You cannot fool me. I am an elf." Legolas said loudly. "I am immortal."

So you are.... so you think... would you like to learn about mortality?

His heart jumped. What did he mean... what did... I... mean...

You will see.

Drink now. Do not let all the wine go to waste.

Drink....

Legolas moved farther from the wine jug, holding his ears with his hands. "Leave me!" he cried. "I do not want to hear you anymore!"

Drink!

"No." he said, and began to shake when he realized he was sobbing.

We shall see....

<><><>

"I did not know how bad this was."

Legolas groggily recognized Haldir's voice, sounding so solemn.

"He would not let us help him."

Was it Aragorn now?

"Why... why?"

Gimli's voice was so sad and remorseful....

"Legolas is strong."

The lady's voice, strong and clear.

He pondered these drifting voices in an unconscious state, floating in an out of an empty dreamland that was painted red. His mind was unusually quiet and restful, as that voice was absent and not taunting him. Maybe Galadriel got rid of it.... she promised to find a way...

And what was it that Haldir said? How bad this was. I do not... I do not understand... nothing is bad... but what if there is orcs? Was that what Haldir meant? Was there a battle?

Screaming.

I remember the screaming... someone was screaming... there was a battle! If there are orcs, then I must fight. How did the orcs find their way into Lothlorien?

Why is Gimli so sad? Did someone die? The orcs must have gotten someone!

What did Aragorn mean... did I already fight the orcs? I would not have refused help if there were many.

He vaguely felt something warm touch his lips and slide into his mouth, followed by whispered voices and a consuming black nothingness.

<><><>

Legolas moaned imperceptibly and opened his eyes with a great effort. His vision was filled with Gimli's tired face looking down at him.

"You had me worried, elf." He grunted, cracking a solemn smile, and moved back. "Aragorn, look, Legolas has awoken."

"Estel..." his voiced cracked, and water was brought for him. "Where..." Legolas shut his eyes as the overwhelming urge to vomit came over him. He wanted to weep. He felt like he had broken into several pieces, and all his muscles were limp and exhausted.

"You are still in Lothlorien." came Aragorn's reply. "We have stayed with you for over a day now... how are you feeling?"

"I think I might spew up all my insides right now." He managed to say, trying to smile but failing miserably.

"That would be the effect of all that wine you drank." Haldir commented, coming to stand by the bed.

"I drank two glasses." Legolas disagreed, his face turning a notch paler, until his skin appeared to be almost translucent. "Surely an elf has much more tolerance than that."

"Two glasses?" Gimli repeated, raising his eyebrows. "My dear Legolas, it is said that you downed the entire pitcher and called for more!"

The room spun around him. "What..." Legolas focused his uneasy eyes on the ceiling. "I... I had two glasses while I whetted my knife!"

The room went uncomfortably silent.

Ashen, his voice trembled as he spoke. "What happened?"

There was still a foreboding hush.

"Tell me!" Legolas' eyes were now panicked as he sought answers. He felt hot tears of dread forming in his eyes.

I will not cry in front of them!

He gathered his strength and lifted his hand to quickly wipe eyes when he stopped in horror. Each of his fingers were wrapped several times in linen bandages, moving all the way up to his elbows. Legolas let his arms fall limply back down.

"How did this happen?" he demanded, searching their faces for answers.

"Do you not remember?" Gimli asked, finally breaking the silence.

"No..." He looked helpless. "Unless it was... was it the orcs?"

"The orcs?" Aragorn said, confused, glancing at Haldir. "What orcs?"

"There was a battle here with orcs, was there not? I heard the screaming." Legolas began to feel calmer.

"There were no orcs, nor a battle." Haldir said quietly.

"Then how..." Legolas whispered, eyes glassing over. "How..."

There was silence in Lothlorien, except for his cries that pierced the still air as he began to remember.

<><><>

Chapter 3 "Immortal no longer"

<><><>

He drank the wine. And when he had finished, he drank some more, laughing and crying at the same time. He gagged as he forced himself to swallow the sweet liquid, drunk, in pain, and eyes lit with a wild light. Legolas' chest heaved for air as he was allowed a short reprieve.

Now run... run into your precious woods.

"I drank for you, but I will not run for you!" Legolas shouted, picking up his knife, unsure of what he would attack. He spun around, searching in vain.

He felt like the forest was closing in on him, trapping him in a leafy cage. The once soothing trees appeared now to be dark and foreboding; it's gentle rustling now a mockery. Yet it called him, and he found himself being drawn closer.

Legolas' normally light steps were leaden and tired, and he whimpered as he realized he was running into the heart of the woods. He finally stopped, and stood in a large clearing, staring around helplessly.

His heart thundered in his chest. "It is over." He told himself reassuringly. "I will go back."

Your lesson in mortality has not finished yet...

Legolas cried out in fear.

No more!

Stop.... please...

And then it came in a sly whisper.

How would you like to write?

"I like it not." He said, clenching his fists.

It remained silent. As he turned to leave, his sliver knife slipped out of his hand and fell to the ground with a soft clatter. Legolas bent to pick it up, and caught his reflection in the blade as he did so. Dull blue eyes gazed back at him, speaking of the unimaginable torments that were inflicted upon him.

Still looking into his reflection, he touched the tip of the blade with his forefinger, running it along the fine edge. Legolas moved back to lean against a tree, exhausted.

He dropped the knife for a second time when he saw blood on his sleeve. Legolas had cut his finger again, and much more deeply this time. It dripped to the ground, coloring the forest floor crimson.

Legolas roused himself out of his daze and looked around for a particular leaf off of a tree he knew would stop the bleeding.

I wonder why Gimli dislikes the trees so... they are so helpful and giving...

He placed his hand on the trunk of the tree while he bent over to pluck a leaf. When Legolas straightened, he noticed that a line of blood had spread over the dark wood. He looked at it closer.

The trees give us so much... shade, protection; even herbs... yet we give nothing back...

Perhaps... I should give back... by giving my blood to the trees...

Just as Mithrandir gave his blood and life for the fellowship...

It is an idea....

<><><>

"I drank for you, but I will not run for you!"

Gimli grunted and rolled over, still half dreaming of overflowing mines of mithril. He cracked open an eyes as he heard some strange noises.... laughing, crying, and whimpering all at once, and the steady footsteps of a shadowy figure that was disappearing deep into the woods.

He struggled to wake up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with the back of his hand, and stood up clumsily. Gimli looked for Legolas, and soon realized apprehensively it was Legolas who had been making the noises and running.

He moved as quietly as possible and followed Legolas, and cursed under his breath as his tripped over several wine jugs strewn across the floor.

Has he been drinking?

The footfalls of Legolas grew fainter, and Gimli sped up, marveling at how effortlessly Legolas moved. He crouched behind a large bush as the elf stopped at a clearing, looking around blankly, as if he were lost.

Gimli was about to jump up from behind the foliage to bring Legolas back, but he spoke first.

"It is over," he breathed, and his eyes reflected the moonlight. "I will go back."

Gimli sighed in relief, although he had no idea what Legolas meant by it. Again he was about to reveal himself when Legolas became frozen with fear, his eyes wide. He cried out suddenly, scaring Gimli to his wit's end.

His heart was racing as he watched Legolas further, unsure if he should remain hiding or go to his friend. In the end, he stayed where he was, watching Legolas murmur something uneasily, and who appeared to be in the grip of a deep trance.

He shifted his weight to peer around the bush as Legolas turned his back by a tree, apparently looking for something in a hurried manner. Gimli caught a flash of red on his fine silver sleeve, and he soon become conscious of the fact that Legolas had hurt himself somewhere.

This time, he made up his mind to call to his friend first, and stood up. Legolas did not notice him at all. His face rested on the side of the tree, and he traced his bloodied finger along its trunk, forming a script he did not understand.

Gimli backed away in horror, and ran back to fetch Aragorn, shaking uncontrollably at his discovery.

<><><>

"Aragorn!" came the urgent whisper. "Aragorn!"

The man did not stir, but furrowed his brow in his sleep, as if he did not want to hear anything.

"Aragorn!" he was being shaken roughly, each shake a punctuation of the sentence. "You... must... wake... up!"

"Go away," he groaned. "It is far too early for breakfast." Aragorn felt a smart smack at one side of his face. "Stop it! I wish to slumber in peace." Another smack.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" Gimli growled, barely believing that Aragorn refused to rise. "Legolas has run off and is in grave danger!"

Aragorn shot upright immediately, squinting at Gimli. "What has happened?" he asked abruptly, standing up.

"Legolas... I have not the heart to say. It is horrible..." Gimli moaned, putting his head in his hands. "Just... come with me."

He swiftly followed the dwarf, stepping around the empty wine jugs that still lay strewn on the floor. "Did Legolas consume all of this?" He asked, looking back at the mess.

"I think so..." came the strained reply.

Aragorn remained alert as he went along behind the dwarf, carefully stepping over tree roots. Gimli unexpectedly stopped in front of him, muttering to himself.

"What is the matter?" Aragorn asked warily.

"These damned paths look too much alike," Gimli blustered, looking around frantically.

"What? Are we lost?" Aragorn demanded, crossing his arms.

Gimli began running without a reply, and took paths in no particular order, Aragorn close behind. He nearly ran into Gimli when he stopped suddenly before a clearing. He moved forward in order to get a better view, and what he saw made him want to pass out.

Legolas was crouched by a tree, sobbing, his sleeves slashed through several times in different places, covered in blood.

Aragorn stepped forward slowly. "Legolas?" he ventured cautiously.

From where he was standing, the moon filtered pale rays of light into the clearing, and Aragorn finally saw to what extent Legolas went through.

All over the massive oak and beech trees, were scripted several words, all in Legolas' hand, and all written in blood.

Gimli went to stand next to Aragorn, and clutched his axe when he saw the trees. "Who has attacked him?" he whispered fiercely. "I swear to kill him!"

"Would you kill Legolas?" Aragorn asked, looking stricken as he tried to approach the elf without frightening him more.

"He... he did this?" Gimli stammered, looking up at the writing. "He did this himself?"

"It is his own handwriting." Aragorn affirmed, turning his head back to Legolas. "'tis elvish."

"What does it say?"

Aragorn's eyes were darkly sorrowful. "I am immortal no longer... and immortal I never shall be again... for the darkness which consumes me...seeks to consume my very soul and grace..." he stopped, and swallowed hard. "I will read no more of this."

Gimli wiped his tears off his face. "And I will listen to no more of what troubles our friend." He said bleakly. "We must help him now." He approached Legolas and touched his knee gently. "Legolas, come, we will take care of you now."

Aragorn let the dwarf go on with his soothing words, and looked at the dismal tree trunks again, covered in beautiful yet horrifying writing.

The Prince of Mirkwood is a coward...

Pathetic little prince...

Unable to control even himself...

Then he caught another writing, messier than the rest, scrawled quickly in a corner, as if the writer's hand was shaking.

I would rather pass on than linger here with this torment...

I wish to be free...

<><><>

"Legolas." Something touched his knee.

Has my inner torment manifested itself into a physical form?

He buried his head into his knees, shaking uncontrollably.

I could end it all now...

I could kill it....

His wounded fingers felt the handle of his knife and gripped it tightly.

"...take care of you now..."

I could kill it...

Before it kills me...

End it...

<><><>

"Come Legolas," Gimli said to him, patting his back. "It will be fine."

"You will be silent." Legolas hissed dangerously in a hoarse whisper. "You will torment me no longer. Leave me!" he sprang to his feet and wielded his knife.

Gimli fell back. "No, no!" he shouted. "Legolas, it is I, Gimli!" he rolled aside as Legolas nearly stabbed him through. "Aragorn!"

The man was immediately next to him, pulling Gimli to his feet. "We cannot harm him further..." Aragorn said, watching Legolas look around in confusion. "Help me and try to calm him! Call to him."

<><><>

The blow did not connect.

Legolas saw no one in the clearing. Did it flee?

"Legolas! Do you not hear me?"

"I do hear you," Legolas responded furiously, staggering. "And I wish for you to be silent!" He slashed away at the air where the noise was coming from.

"Legolas Greenleaf! Come back to us!"

He muffled a sob. "Go to you, the demon which seeks to kill me? I may be weakened, but I am no fool!" Legolas leapt at the sounds again.

"By Elbereth, we want to save you!"

Legolas trembled in a mix of pain and rage, and he laughed bitterly. "Then let me kill my tormentor!"

And finally, he managed to strike upon something.

<><><>

Chapter 4 - " I remain immortal yet!"

<><><>

Aragorn was breathing heavily as Legolas leapt at them yet again. Even in the throes of darkness, the elf was still nimbler than him, and seemed even more powerful in his desperation. He and Gimli were hard pressed to avoid his vicious attacks. It looked as if Legolas was striking out blindly, Aragorn could see that he was merely following the noise they made. He doubted that Legolas could see them at all through his inner hell.

"By Elbereth, we want to save you!" He yelled in frustration as he was nearly hit. Aragorn moved to Gimli as quietly as possible, raising a finger to his lips. "He cannot see us," he whispered. "Legolas is attacking by sound alone. I want you to grab his legs from behind while I get that knife away from him. Do you understand?"

Gimli nodded silently, watching Legolas' movements intently.

"Then let me kill my tormentor!" Legolas cried, laughing irreverently.

Gimli circled the elf and paused for Aragorn's signal. The man dashed in front of Legolas, searching for the opportune moment to seize his weapon.

He was not prepared when Legolas swiftly flew forward, almost faster than he could catch, and thrust the knife into Aragorn's upper arm, smiling in a twisted, satisfied sort of way.

Aragorn took a sharp breath inwards, and grimaced as he clenched his other hand. "Legolas, I am sorry, but you leave me no choice!" He nodded to Gimli, who took hold of Legolas' legs. Aragon darted up and grabbed his injured arms through gritted teeth.

Legolas was shivering wildly. "I am free! I have killed it!" he exclaimed repeatedly, seeming not to feel or care that Aragorn was firmly holding his bloodstained arms. "I remain immortal yet!" he cried. The white knife clattered to the ground.

The three of them toppled over onto the ground. Gimli crawled out from underneath them, looking at Legolas with an aggrieved expression. Legolas was quiet now, though still trembling.

Aragorn bent over Legolas, checking him over for any other injuries. He sadly touched the side of his face.

"He slumbers!" Gimli said in amazement, leaning over the other side of Legolas.

"His eyes remain closed." Aragorn remarked lowly. "This is not a peaceful sleep for him..." he shook his head. "Let us bring him to Haldir. He will help us with Legolas." He gently lifted his friend into his arms, astounded that the thin frame he was holding was so light. Like he is empty...

Gimli led them back up the path; glancing back once at the blood covered trees mournfully. When he saw the rest of his friends still sleeping under the canopy of trees, he felt as if everything that had happened was surreal. He ran to get a blanket for Legolas, but Aragorn kept moving once Legolas was covered.

"Can we not leave him here, then go fetch Haldir?" Gimli asked, following.

"There are several reasons why I would not leave him here," Aragorn replied grimly. "The first being that the rest of the fellowship should not see him like this."

"But, why?"

Aragorn looked over at Gimli as they climbed a flight of stairs. "Legolas would not tell even I what was wrong him. Galadriel could not make him say, either, until she looked into his thoughts. Everyone has his own pride, and his was that he was never weak. So when this began troubling him, he did not want to say. He is already humiliated that we know, let alone the rest of them."

Gimli was dumbstruck. "That was why he pretended to be well." He said finally.

"And I would not have Legolas wake up among them while we are not there. Although we have taken his knife, I know not where he has kept his arrows, and in his state of mind..." Aragorn did not finish his sentence, nor did he need to.

<><><>

They found Haldir sitting by an elaborate table by a window in his room.

"Haldir," Aragorn called from the doorway. "We need help. May we enter?"

Haldir rose and looked over. "Of course," he replied, eyes widening. "Is that Legolas you carry?"

"It is," Gimli answered, overlooking Haldir's mild irritation at his presence. "He is injured."

"Bring him in, and lay him on the bed."

Aragorn placed him on the bed as gently as he knew how, and stepped back, grasping his own bleeding arm. There was a brief silence, as Haldir looked Legolas over in growing trepidation.

"What has happened?" Haldir said in a low voice, turning to Aragorn. His eyes pierced the man's. "Are you hurt as well?"

"Yes, but it doesn't matter." Aragorn said, brushing the question off. "It is Legolas that I am worried about."

"Who was he attacked by?" Haldir asked, leaning over to check Legolas' breathing. He frowned. It was shallow and erratic.

"He attacked himself." Aragorn said grimly. "Gimli saw it."

Haldir was lightly removing Legolas' shirt to tend to the wounds, but he stopped, stunned. "He cut himself... what was he trying to do?"

"I do not know." Gimli said curtly, looking down at Legolas. "But he was talking to himself, and he was clearly terrified of something."

Haldir resumed washing Legolas' cuts, looking pensive. He finally shook his head. "We will have to ask Galadriel. I spoke to Legolas before, and he said he was merely mourning for Gandalf, but there was something else that was not right. He seemed angry and scared at the same time."

"There is more." Aragorn began, but stopped, shutting his eyes at the memory. He sighed deeply and went on. "Legolas was using his blood... and he was writing with it on the trees... he wrote terrible things about himself..."

"All of which are untrue!" Gimli added fiercely.

"This is out of my control... we will inform Galadriel immediately, and then we will see what she has to say about this."

They looked down at Legolas' broken, pale figure.

"I hope she will have something good to say about this," Gimli said finally, turning away. "But why do I doubt that?"

<><><>

"And you say Legolas has tried to kill himself?" She looked ghostly white.

"I do not know if he meant to kill himself." Aragorn replied, meeting Galadriel's eyes. "He could have done in so many other ways, instead of just his arms."

"Yes... let me see him." Her expression was unreadable as she knelt next to Legolas. She ran her fingers over his arms nimbly, and her lips murmured something soft to him. "I am not sure if he can hear me... he is the grasp of a terrible distress."

"But what is it?" asked Gimli, lowering his eyes as she stood up in front of him.

"His mind speaks to him, and tells him haunting things. It mocks and tries to control him. Where it came from, I do not know. Perhaps it was always there, and emerged with his grief of Mithrandir's death.

I - "

A faint moaning from Legolas cut her off. She immediately knelt by his head again, whispering to him. Ilfirin... That was the only word Aragorn's sharp ears made out. Immortal...

Sighing, she finally stood up, long after Legolas had gone quiet again. "It is no use. I have tried to speak with him from inside his sleep, but he cannot hear me. He will fight against it alone."

"Fiirimo...!" Legolas cried out, with tears running down his cheeks. "Ilfirin!"

Haldir looked discomfited. "Why..."

Galadriel silenced him with a look.

"It has convinced Legolas that he is mortal." Aragorn said slowly, the realization dawning on him. His writings, the conversation with Legolas... it all made sense.

"But he is an elf!" Gimli argued, feeling out of place.

"Elves are not truly immortal, Gimli, until we leave Middle Earth. We still can pass on in other ways... but that is beside the point. We are trying to help Legolas." Galadriel removed something from her robes. It was a small glass vial with a clear liquid, and she handed this to Aragorn.

"Nwalya faire," She said to him. "I fear this is the only way to quell his torment until he can fight it himself."

Gimli repeated what Galadriel said atrociously. "Nealwa fay? What is that?"

"It is a potion," she replied heavily. "It will slow his thoughts, and hopefully his torment as well. He will not like it...but if he cannot fight it and continues to hurt himself, it is the only way."

Gimli eyed it doubtfully. "If it helps..."

"I did not know how bad this was." Haldir said suddenly. "If I knew before, perhaps I would have been able to do something more."

"Do not blame yourself." Galadriel said gently. "We all would have done more if it were possible."

"And he would not let us help him." Aragorn said heavily.

"But why?" Gimli asked, his gruff voice cracking. "Why? If he's afraid of this ... thing... that's taking him over, why not ask us for help? "

"It is pointless to discuss this further." Galadriel said finally, her eyes tired. "We will find no answers from ourselves, for the answer dwells only within Legolas. Aragorn, give him two drops of the potion. It will soothe him. But Legolas is strong, and I believe he will soon be able to fight it without the Nwalya faire."

Aragorn did as he was asked, carefully dripping it between Legolas' lips. His friend's brow was furrowed, as if he were lost in thought within his dreams. He bent forward and gently kissed the elf's forehead.

"Sleep in peace, my friend."

<><><>

Chapter 5 - " It cannot come back."

<><><>

Legolas had his eyes closed as Aragorn and Gimli finished telling him about what they said. However, they did not tell him about the nwalya faire, as Galadriel requested. Legolas plucked at the smooth blanket that covered him.

"I do not remember much of what you tell me," Legolas said finally, opening his eyes. He then looked down at his bandaged hands. "But now you know..."

"You need not be ashamed." Aragorn said firmly. "There are only four of us here who are aware of what has happened, and you know that you can trust us."

Gimli nodded vigorously in agreement while Haldir and Galadriel looked on.

"But I still do not want the rest of the fellowship to know." Legolas said softly. "A weak elf... I no longer deserve to be a part of you."

"What nonsense are you going on about?" growled Gimli. "You're just as deserving as the rest of us. And, mind you, you are not weak."

He gave a small smile to Gimli, the first real smile he had in days. " Thank you for your confidence in me." Legolas said, and sat up slowly with effort. "If only I could think that as well."

"You do not disgrace our race, Legolas. You do us credit." Galadriel said, looking at him intently. "I will leave you three alone now." She stopped by the doorway with Haldir, but turned around to look Legolas directly in the eyes. "You are strong." She said in elvish, and stepped out of the room.

Legolas pushed the blankets off his legs and began to stand up. Aragorn caught his elbow as he stumbled. Both Aragorn and Gimli were surprised to see tears of frustration well up in his eyes.

"Something else must be wrong with me," Legolas said forlornly as he looked out the window, steadying himself on the sill. "The voice may be gone, but I do not feel better."

Gimli looked at his feet guiltily. "Well, Haldir did say you drank too much wine."

"It is not my body that troubles me. It will recover soon enough." He replied. " But I feel dulled, like when the moon is veiled by thick clouds and the light cannot shine through."

Aragorn saw that Legolas was right. He was already less pale, and his movements more graceful, but his face was gaunt and his eyes were disturbed. "Do you want to sleep some more?"

"No..." Legolas replied. For a moment, his eyes shone with an inner fire. "I will get dressed, and then you will show me the trees."

"The trees?" Aragorn repeated. "Why would you want to go there?"

Legolas turned back around to them. "I want to see what I have done." He said hauntingly. "What horrors I have committed to this realm."

"Nay, you don't want to go there, Legolas." Gimli said. "And besides, it matters not."

"It matters to me."

"I will not take you there." Aragorn said, crossing his arms over his chest. "And you cannot go in your condition."

"I have no condition, and you cannot tell me what to do." Legolas said heatedly, his eyes flashing. "If you will not take me, then I will go by myself." He pulled on his shirt, uncaring of his arms. He then strode to the bed, sat down, and began lacing up his boots.

"Oh, come on, elf." Gimli argued uncomfortably. "Wait a day or two until you're feeling better."

Legolas stood up stubbornly by the door, and gave him a piercing look. "In a day or two, it will be washed away by either the rains or the elves. Then I will never know what had taken me over. Or wasn't that what you intended?"

"Legolas, do not be angry with us." Aragorn said, trying to pacify his worked up friend.

His cheeks were pink with fury. "Do not speak to me as if I were a child!" he shouted. "I know what I need to do, but all you two do is try to stop me. You say you are helping me, but I think you are hindering me!"

Legolas swung around and left them in a heavy silence. Then they sighed and went after him.

<><><>

He could not think. It was not as if he was too tired or confused for contemplation, it was that his mind was just blank. There was no voice either, but he had no thoughts of his own. Nothing came as he strode to the woods. A sort of empty buzzing filled his head, irritating and scaring him at the same time.

"This is far worse than the voice," he whispered, unable to take pleasure in the bright sun.

Legolas stumbled along, trying to form a coherent thought.

Aragorn had caught up to him. "Legolas...." He saw the elf's pained expression and sighed inwardly.

"What has happened to me?" he asked immediately, so worried that forget his previous fight with the man.

"What do you mean?" Aragorn replied carefully.

"I told you and Gimli before I felt that something more was wrong with me. I could not explain it then, but now I think I know what it is. Words come to my lips normally, but I cannot form my own thoughts."

Aragorn tried not to look away from Legolas. "Maybe you're still in shock."

"Perhaps." He said doubtfully. Legolas' face cleared after a moment. "But I trust you, Estel. If you say that I am in shock, then I am in shock."

Aragorn looked at Legolas' completely trusting face and bit his lip, feeling terrible about lying to his friend. "Of course. And if you are so determined to go to the woods, then I will come with you. And Gimli too."

As if on cue, Gimli came jogging up to them and looked from Aragorn to Legolas nervously. Aragorn smiled to him imperceptibly, shaking his head to tell him that the argument was forgotten.

"Thank you," Legolas said distantly, turning around to look over the tops of the trees. "But I have to do this by myself."

Gimli looked surprised by this, but nodded his assent.

<><><>

He moved silently between the bushes and trees, his heart thumping wildly. Legolas now found that he could force his mind to think if he focused on it enough. It took a huge effort, but being able to think quietly was something he treasured, especially when he was out alone. However, Legolas' thoughts were far from pleasant, but were interrupted by soft giggling and some hushed voices.

Legolas leaned against an oak, hidden by its shadows, and listened to the elves that were speaking while they worked.

"... of course, the Lady wants to keep this quiet. Doesn't want people to find out what's happened."

"She is really worried, you know. Have you seen her recently?"

"I wonder why he did it."

"Perhaps the prince wanted attention."

"But to go this far...there had to be more to this."

There was a derisive snort. "Aye. Being a king's son was not attention for him, so he went out and tried to get some more."

"I do not think that Legolas would do that. Actually, I heard that he was driven mad with grief over the death of Mithrandir."

"Mad enough to try to paint our woods red with his blood?"

They laughed again at this.

Legolas slowly slid down to the base of the tree and buried his head in his knees, shutting his eyes tight.

They think that I am crazy...

He stood up and decided to just go back to Aragorn and Gimli. Legolas took only a few steps when he stopped, frowning.

Why should I be afraid of what they have to say?

Legolas turned around abruptly and strode purposefully into their midst. There were three elves, one male and two female, and they all looked extremely embarrassed while bobbing their heads to him in acknowledgement.

One the females were clutching a sponge, while the other held out a basin of bloodied water. The male was halfway up a tree with a piece of cloth.

"I've come to see what I've done here before you wash it all away," Legolas said stolidly. The three looked around at each other, looking nervous.

Finally, the male shrugged.

Legolas nodded at them coldly and moved a few paces away from them. He could feel their eyes following his movements, and hated it.

If they were not watching him, Legolas would have fainted dead away. Instead, he clenched his fists into tight balls and forced himself to read what he had written. He felt bile rising in the back of his throat and pushed it down, shaking.

I would rather pass on than linger here with this torment... I wish to be free...

I am immortal no longer....

The world swirled around him, making him dizzy. He anxiously shook it off and began to head back, ignoring the strange stares that the elves were giving him.

<><><>

Aragorn and Gimli were waiting in the room Haldir had given to Legolas.

"How will we give him the rest of that...Nee... oh never mind. I'll never be able to say it. The rest of that potion, anyway." Gimli asked while he paced in circles around the room.

"Drop it into his food or drink, I suppose." Aragorn answered. "I doubt he would take it willingly. The elves like to have their own thoughts."

"The dwarves like to have their own thoughts as well." Gimli announced, stopping his pacing.

"The dwarves would not have very many intelligent thoughts, however." Legolas quipped at he entered the room. Aragorn was visibly relieved that Legolas had not overhead the beginning of their conversation.

Gimli good-naturedly ignored the remark and studied Legolas. He seemed a bit agitated, but looked like he was recovering overall.

"So, when are we moving on?" Legolas asked.

"Are you okay?" Gimli asked uncertainly. He was afraid that Legolas would snap them, like when he did before when Gimli mentioned his health.

"Yes."

"Truly?" Gimli ventured.

"Truly, my friend."

"Then we will leave tomorrow. We cannot linger here too long." Aragorn said.

"I will sleep with the rest of our friends tonight." Legolas announced. "It would seem odd to them if I spend all the nights away. They will think something is wrong."

Gimli grinned mischievously. "Or they will think that you have found a woman here!"

That left Legolas speechless, and he began to turn red.

Aragorn began to laugh. "He got you there, Legolas."

Legolas shook his head and smiled. "I think it will be a long while yet before I find a woman, Gimli. However, it will be longer still before you find one!"

Gimli roared with laughter. "Ah, elf. For someone whom my kind has held a grudge against for so long, you are really quite funny."

<><><>

As the night went on, his mind became clearer and clearer, until the point where he no longer had to take the effort and focus to be able to think. Legolas sat on a bench, alert and wide awake, and watched his friends sleep.

"I will thank Galadriel for curing me of this." Legolas said aloud to himself as he tilted his head back to watch the stars. He traced a familiar constellation with a slender finger, now healing quickly.

I am sorry, Mithrandir, that I could not help you further...

But I will not grieve like this for you any longer.

The elf sat in the starlight and made his peace with the death of his friend, singing him a final lament.

And in the shadows of his mind, a darkness stirred again.

<><><>

A soft cloak was pinned underneath his chin as he stood with the rest of the fellowship. Galadriel now moved to each of them, speaking with them and handing them gifts.

"For you, Legolas, is the bow of Lorien, worthy of our woodland kin." She held the bow out to him.

Legolas took the bow silently, examining its carved details. He held it up against himself and drew it, testing its strength. Legolas looked up into her eyes as she smiled at him.

"But it will not come back?" Legolas asked quietly.

"I cannot promise you that it will not." She replied, placing a hand on his shoulder. " But you will win this fight."

Legolas wanted to say more, but she moved on. He tried to push down his rising fear, and began a chorus in his head to focus on.

Legolas....... It was only a whisper, dancing around his determined chant. And it frightened him, until he became lost inside himself, unaware of his surroundings.

Outwardly, Legolas appeared to be almost normal, as he stood rooted to the ground, staring straight ahead, his fingers clutching the bow.

<><><>

To be continued..... (Yep, I decided to continue it into the second book, and not just end it at Lothlorien. The problem is, I haven't read the second book, so I guess I'll be doing it based on the movie.)